Persistence of my being

I remember when you sat beside me

and my heart would start pounding

Your red sweater had fraying threads

and when you laughed

you’d tug at the lose ends

and spin it around your finger

just like you did with me

sitting beside you.

You smelled like sweat

and something sweet

cheap oil you kept with you

Your low voice

and the words spilled between breaths

always trying to catch their meaning

instead caught by your crooked smile.

You did the smallest things for me

brought me those ginger snaps I always said I liked

by the tens

In between breaths

as I laughed

and we’d look in each others’ eyes

I thought I saw love

as the world blurred beyond us

and everything lost meaning

I couldn’t see your notes

or your dark skin

or smell the sweat

on your red sweater

You never caught my confessions

never read between the lines

of the poems I showed you

never caught the words I threw

into the still waters between us

hoping for ripples

or a sign that you saw me.

I guess the ginger snaps

was just your kindness

The moments we shared

figments of my imagination

You could hold my gaze

but not my heart

You never saw your name

written in the margin of my books

You never saw past my eyes

never skimmed past the surface

of what I tried so desperately to hide

and that I wanted you to know.

I confessed too late

My love was hidden in spaces

in my margins, confined to words

I wish I had told you earlier

and maybe your red sweater

would have hung from my shoulders

or your dark skin wrapped around my hand

fingers intertwined in warm certainty

I hid myself too much

fearing the weight of my words

and you never thought to ask

never thought to search

for what I hid so deep.

I now hear

you have a girl

maybe one day

just like you

I’ll move on too.

I crush too hard, too fast

and hold too long

that I now know

She wears colors I never could

she says words I wish I told you

so openly, so freely

I’m such a fool.

I pray to move on from you

to detach from the memories of ‘us’

and to profess love truly

whenever the next you

comes around.

Please leave a comment to let us know your thoughts on this