Runaway Colours

Denial and self-loathing are often overlooked parts of the queer experience, surprisingly so since almost every member of the LGBTQ community goes through stages like these. Don’t internalize the hate; being gay cannot be pushed away. Talk to a friend about these feelings, or even write them down!

In a hollow daze, I drift away,
Me on the screen, on the sofa you stay,
Watching the static seep through glass,
Watching it drown me wholly.

You’re always watching, silent and near,
As blade meets skin, and red warmth flows.
Hidden woes,
stuck in pain’s stupor,
I try to let go.
But you cannot leave me,
silent reminder
Of what I fear most.

And sleep will not find me,
In the growing night
long as the moonlight grows cold.
And when my eyes are closed,
I think I see your shadows,
In my mind’s lonely corner.
I can hear,
You whisper to me,
Words of sorrow,
Lingering and deep.

Do you see how clouds weep too,
Racing across the sky in blue,
Navy hue of twilight gloom,
As night comes rolling forth.

My light fades in the coming dark,
You do not care,
My joy heavy in your hand.
I think you hate me,
Bounding away gracefully.
Your shadow deepens,
And I grow cold too,
Now I cannot afford,
A tear or two.

I’ll try not to fault you,
I swear.
When I look in the mirror,
You’re always there.
For it’s you I see,
And you are me,
Bound forever.

It’s blissful pain.

My light is gone.
My wrist hurts, and
now I hate thick amber sun,
Shining down heavy
On the various shades
Of my runaway colours-
Faded and gone.